I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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