i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
