Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
