hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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