I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
