Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
