I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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