officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
