Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
