I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
