Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
