Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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