He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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