Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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