Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
