I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
