Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
