I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
