Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
