Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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