stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
