everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
