Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
