I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
