just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
