im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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