sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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