I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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