So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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