i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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