there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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