Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
