hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
