I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
