theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
