he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
