my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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