ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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