I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
