found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
