what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
