dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
