Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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