In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
and i looked up. we had an audience...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
