i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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