Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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