I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
