I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
