I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
