I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
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there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
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My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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