When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
