i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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