Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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