Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
