There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
did i walk over a car last night?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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