so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
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do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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