first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
we're so committed to being not committed
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
