So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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