You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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