Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize