you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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