I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
