I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
