Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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