So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You dont lie about slip and slides
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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