no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
