If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
farters have to be the big spoon...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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