I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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