i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
