i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
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