...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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