I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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