just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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