Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
